We are individuals, but our lives are influenced by human networks; friendships, business associates, co-workers, family, religious members and society at large. The mode of influence used by these networks may be subtle, overt or covert and often presents itself through opinions, actions, inactions and reactions. Knowing who you are and what you want requires that you also take charge of who influences you by being CEO of your networks. The following insightful tips may come in handy:
- Know thyself – Knowing yourself is key to embracing or rejecting any human influence. Know how you take decisions, what empowers you, what damages your self-esteem, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what drains you emotionally and spiritually, what upsets you, what you just won’t do and what activities keep you centered and stable. When you know yourself at all these levels, it becomes easier to identify network influences that enhance your core being and those that dissipate or destroy it so that you can choose what to accept and what to reject.
- Protect your personal space – Define what constitutes your personal space, your sanctuary, your privacy, the parts of you that are not privy to public exposure. Then when people want to manipulate you to gain entry, you can stop them in their tracks or deflect their efforts!
- Being controlled – People have very subtle ways of controlling us, especially those we have close relationships with. Don’t always open up to people because of their kind, generous or accommodating actions. Try to assess their character in totality and discern the motives behind their actions. Sometimes kind gestures, apparent sound advice or cherished opinions may be colourful wrappings covering ill-motives to gain control over an aspect of your life. So be on the alert!
- Learn to say No – Oprah Winfrey once said that “When you never say no or set personal boundaries, you’ll spend the rest of your life learning how to!” Being assertive is vital in protecting your turf in life and becoming a CEO of substance. Often, people’s fear with saying no is that they may sound rude or offensive.
That’s a legitimate concern but saying no does not necessarily mean trampling on another person’s ego or self esteem in the process. Practice saying no in uplifting, polite and sincere ways that communicate your needs, perceptions and priorities as an individual. Make a conscious effort to stop hiding behind lies and lame excuses whenever you have to say a simple no.
However, there shall be occasions when your “no” shall elicit hostile, angry or defensive reactions. When this happens, remain decisive and understand that you are not responsible for the way other people react. They are entitled to their own mode of reaction. However, you are solely responsible for who influences your life so it’s within your right to say no whenever you find it appropriate to do so.
